An open letter to the people of the Hudson Valley on a Warm and Sunny Spring Day

So you wake up in the morning, have no work and no major responsibilities. You pour your coffee, take your shower, leisurely dress yourself and then step out into the nice, warm sunshine. It’s gorgeous out! It’s 60 degrees! You’re feeling good. You get in your car, ready to take on the day.  What adventure awaits you out in this big, beautiful world of ours? Where do you go?

…The mall? Seriously? No, listen, that won’t do. I know we all need things, sometimes, but you need your fresh air and sunshine more than any crap you can get at the mall. Trust me. Go out and play! You heard me! No back-talking! Shoo! You live in one of the most picturesque locations in the United States. An entire school of art was founded for the purpose of painting pictures of our mountains, valleys, forests and bodies of water. Please think twice before wasting your time inside. Here, let me give you an idea of what you could be doing:

Why don’t you…

ha ha!
  • Climb a mountain? There are certainly enough of them around here. Then you can stand at the top, look down and laugh at all the suckers fighting for parking spaces at Walmart.
  • Sit somewhere and read a book? If I may recommend one, let me suggest you give The Freedom Manifesto by Tom Hodgkinson a go. It’s all about how to free yourself from some of the more pernicious trappings of modern life (e.g. SHOPPING.) Or, if you want something with more heaving bosoms, try City of Dreams by Beverly Swerling, an historical novel set in Nieuw Amsterdam. Good stuff.
  • Go to a zoo? You don’t have to go all the way to NY, either. There’s one right in Millbrook, and it’s open year-round. It’s not extravagant, but it’s something a little different worth doing at least once.
  • Walk around a town? Hell, you can even go shopping in said town if you are really dead set on spending money. I guarantee that if you spend your time walking around New Paltz, or Rhinebeck, or Beacon, it’ll be a more positive, fun experience than walking around the Galleria.

Disclaimer here: Sometimes I do go to the mall, too. Sometimes I buy stuff at Walmart. Sometimes I’m one of the people in that parking lot cursing the reckless children that are walking in the way of my vehicle. But I think it’s something that we should all avoid when we can, especially when it’s nice out! Save the shopping for a dreary day, because when you can’t think of anywhere but the mall to go for fun, you end up looking a little like these guys:

“They’re after the place. They don’t know why; they just remember. Remember that they want to be in here.”